How am I?

When was the last time someone asked you how you are – sincerely, while looking into your eyes? That is probably the important part. Nowadays, it is easy enough to start a conversation on social media with “how are you”, but those three words have become an empty carcass. We are being nice, and find it even nicer if the person we are talking to would not answer honestly; because who would want to care for someone else’s emotions if we are so busy with our own?

Today is the day that someone dared to ask me this question, and they tore a hole into the façade that I had so carefully been building. Like a secret code, they triggered my face muscles to twitch and produced a tear in the corner of my eye. How was I? I had not dared to think about it. The honest answer would have been ‘busy’, and ultimately ‘tired’. I have been so busy that I had pushed the fatigue to the back of my mind. We have no time to feel bad in any way. And most importantly, we have nobody to say this to. Saying it out loud makes it real. It is harder to ignore a reality. Moreover, who wants to carry the burden of your negative emotions? Once you open Pandora’s box, you’re obliged to dig deeper. Yet I dare say that sometimes it is enough to show interest, to let someone know that it’s okay to voice your emotions – may they be good or bad. They deserve to be felt and they deserve to be worded.

Maybe this is why I’m here, writing this blog. When life is all over the place, it is comforting to have my own little jar of thoughts. They are felt and voiced. They welcome a response, but do not demand one.